實(shí)例指導(dǎo)1――學(xué)生如何飲食

　　【寫作任務(wù)】

　　如今隨著人們生活水平的提高，市場(chǎng)上高脂肪、高熱量、高蛋白的食品也越來(lái)越多；據(jù)一份調(diào)查表明學(xué)校中有五分之二的中學(xué)生屬于胖子行列。從健康和美學(xué)的角度來(lái)講，他們都希望能夠減肥。

　　原因：

　　偏食挑食；不吃早餐；飲食過(guò)度；高熱量食品

　　措施：

　　多吃蔬采、水果 ；飲食要規(guī)律

　　個(gè)人看法：飲食要平衡、合理……

　　請(qǐng)你結(jié)合生活實(shí)際就如何合理飲食發(fā)表自己的看法，寫一篇120－150詞的英語(yǔ)短文。

　　【教師點(diǎn)評(píng)】

　　本文緊扣主題, 結(jié)構(gòu)分明，分段描述了不良的飲食習(xí)慣及其壞處，最后還表達(dá)了自己的觀點(diǎn)。語(yǔ)言地道得體，詞語(yǔ)和句型使用較規(guī)范，例如—些高級(jí)詞；In terms of

　　, rather than , be particular about , do harm to , as far as I I'm concerned 等的應(yīng)用，而且還注意到了過(guò)渡詞匯的運(yùn)用：however，and still , therefore，what’ s more等；在第二段的描述中避免了一味地運(yùn)用first，second，third等，而是采用了some …some…others以及and still來(lái)清晰條理地寫出了各種不良的飲食習(xí)慣。另外還使用了靈活句式：Therefore，we should have a balanced diet including vegetables and fruits，which is good for our health．這是一個(gè)句意充實(shí)，結(jié)構(gòu)復(fù)雜的句子，其中包含一個(gè)現(xiàn)在分詞短語(yǔ)作定語(yǔ)和一個(gè)非限制性定語(yǔ)從句，Only in this way can we keep fit and have enough energy to devote ourselves to study. ed，we should develop to study. 這是一個(gè)only +狀語(yǔ)放在句首，句子要部分倒裝的語(yǔ)法點(diǎn)。

　　文章的不足之處在于：開(kāi)頭段落就出現(xiàn)了兩處明顯的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤①①there are more and more 實(shí)例指導(dǎo)2—飲食與健康

　　【寫作任務(wù)】

　　請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下要點(diǎn)寫一篇120詞左右的說(shuō)明文，可適當(dāng)擴(kuò)展。

　　1．現(xiàn)象：隨著生活水平的提高，越來(lái)越多的人逐漸意識(shí)到了飲食與健康之間的聯(lián)系。他們的飲食合有豐富的蛋白質(zhì)、維生素等。然而，還有很多人仍然沒(méi)有意識(shí)到健康飲食的重要性。他們的飲食不科學(xué)，常吃一些含熱量和脂肪過(guò)高的食品。

　　2．結(jié)果：由于這種不健康的飲食習(xí)慣，一些人開(kāi)始發(fā)胖，癌癥、心臟病這類疾病的發(fā)病率也與日俱增。

　　3．建議：人們應(yīng)健康飲食，多吃蔬菜和水果，少吃肉，多做運(yùn)動(dòng)。

　　【寫作指導(dǎo)】

　　這是一篇文字提示性作文，要求寫一篇飲食與健康關(guān)系的短文。寫作時(shí)切忌受中文提綱的制約，將書(shū)面表達(dá)變成翻譯，造成語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯上的單調(diào)。為避免遺漏要點(diǎn)，可先根據(jù)提示列出一些主要的詞【學(xué)生習(xí)作】

　　With the improvement of people' s life, more and more people have realized the link between food and health, and they eat food which contains rich protein, vitamins and so on.

　　However, many people haven't known the importance of a healthy diet. They don't eat healthy food. They often eat food having too much fat and calories. As a result, many of them are becoming fat, and illnesses, such as cancer, heart disease are increasing.

　　Therefore, it is important for us to realize the importance of eating the fight kinds of food. We should eat healthily. We should have more vegetables, more fruits and less meat. Moreover, we should also take enough exercise so that we. can keep fit.

　　【教師點(diǎn)評(píng)】

　　1．總體評(píng)價(jià)：

　　作者能緊扣主題，從有些人不正確的飲食現(xiàn)象出發(fā)，寫到這種做法對(duì)健康造成的影響，最后提出建議，環(huán)環(huán)緊扣。全文用詞地道，行文漉暢，同時(shí)一些復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)的使用也表現(xiàn)出作者較強(qiáng)的駕馭語(yǔ)言的能力。

　　2．錯(cuò)誤更正：

　　①realized應(yīng)改為have realized表示人們“已經(jīng)意識(shí)到”。

　?、谌サ粢瞭here are

　?、鄢缘臇|西應(yīng)是“食物”而不是“飲食”，所以這兒diet應(yīng)改為food。

　?、躤xercise在作‘‘鍛煉”講時(shí)，是不可數(shù)名詞，所以應(yīng)把exercises改為exercises。

　　實(shí)例指導(dǎo)3—睡眠不足

　　【寫作任務(wù)】

　　根據(jù)下表反映的內(nèi)容，寫一篇150詞左右的短文，向同學(xué)們發(fā)起倡議，確保睡眠充足，遠(yuǎn)離睡眠不足可能帶來(lái)的危害。

　　要點(diǎn)序號(hào) 關(guān)鍵單詞和短語(yǔ)

　　① the average sleep time，kids aged 7 to 9, teen-agers, below the standard.

　?、?two thirds, have the habit of, noon break, have no time to do.

　?、?two reasons, account for.

　?、?the main cause, due to, the early high-school start time

　?、?stay up late, undoubtedly lead to, insufficient sleep.

　?、?lack of sufficient sleep, put adolescents at risk, difficulties in school, including sleepiness, poor concentration.

　　⑦ have negative effects on, body development.

　?、?take measures, push back.

　　⑨ form a good habit of, go to bed early

　?、?make sure, sufficient sleep

　　第四步 恰當(dāng)使用句型，連詞成句。

　　在連詞成句時(shí)要盡量做到： 套用常用句型和句式多變。一篇文章在表達(dá)準(zhǔn)確的前提下，應(yīng)做到單句、并列句、復(fù)合句恰當(dāng)安排，長(zhǎng)短句有機(jī)結(jié)合，非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞及介詞短語(yǔ)恰當(dāng)使用，增加文章的生動(dòng)性，為文章增加亮點(diǎn)。同時(shí)，一定要避免些常規(guī)句法錯(cuò)誤的出現(xiàn)，如：無(wú)主語(yǔ)或無(wú)謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞，時(shí)態(tài)、語(yǔ)態(tài)錯(cuò)誤，濫用逗號(hào)等。將上述提煉出來(lái)的關(guān)鍵單詞和短語(yǔ)連詞成句為：

　　①The average sleep time of kids aged 7 to 9 and teen-agers is below the standard.

　?、赥wo thirds don’t have the habit of noon break or they have no time to do that at all..

　?、?There are at least two reasons accounting for the problem.

　　④The main cause is due to the early high-school start time;

　?、軸ome of us like staying up late, which undoubtedly leads to insufficient sleep.

　　⑥There is evidence to show that lack of sufficient sleep appears to put adolescents at risk for difficulties in school, including sleepiness in class and poor concentration;

　?、逿his would have negative effects on their body development and health.

　?、郥he government has taken some measures to push back high-school starting times.

　　As is shown by the figure in the survey, the average sleep time of kids aged 7 to 9 and teen-agers is below the standard. To make things worse, two thirds don’t have the habit of noon break or they have no time to do that at all. These worry us a lot.

　　There are at least two reasons accounting for the problem. The main cause is due to the early high-school start time. Besides, some of us like staying up late, which undoubtedly leads to insufficient sleep.

　　There is evidence to show that lack of sufficient sleep appears to put adolescents at risk for difficulties in school, including sleepiness in class and poor concentration. In addition, this would have negative effects on their body development and health.

　　Fortunately, the government has taken some measures to push back high-school starting times. As for us teenagers, it is important to form a good habit of going to bed early. Let’s make sure that we all have sufficient sleep.

　　5. But it is generally believed that…

　　6. It is impossible to …

　　7. There is no doubt that…

　　8. Recent research has also revealed an association between sleep deprivation and poorer grades.

　　9. Compared with students whose schools maintained earlier start times, students with later starts reported getting more sleep on school nights, being less sleepy during the day, …

　　10. …percent of high school students routinely sleep less than 6.5 hours on school nights, and ...

　　11. In conclusion, I think that…

　　12. I’m greatly convinced/assured that…

　　13. On the whole , it is high time that every one ....

　　14. We, therefore, can make clear from the above discussion that …

　　實(shí)例指導(dǎo)4—Keep a Happy Heart

　　由于面臨著學(xué)業(yè)和考試的沉重壓力,不少中學(xué)生出現(xiàn)了心理負(fù)擔(dān)過(guò)重、身體處于亞健康狀態(tài)的情況,而這對(duì)他們的學(xué)習(xí)和生活來(lái)說(shuō)意味著一種惡性循環(huán)。針對(duì)這些情況,學(xué)校開(kāi)展了"Keep a Happy Heart"的宣傳活動(dòng)。你班同學(xué)在英語(yǔ)課上也就此開(kāi)展了如何輕松應(yīng)對(duì)學(xué)習(xí)生活的討論,現(xiàn)在請(qǐng)你談?wù)勛约旱目捶?。詞數(shù):120左右。

　　建議。

　　初稿:With the increasing competition, students like us are facing more and more pressure from study and examinations. Many of us cannot take such a heavy burden and became depressed, which lead to an inefficient study habits.      In my opinion it is urgent to find a good way for us to relax and to maintain an optimistic lifestyle. First, we can turn to sports. When I feel depressed I often do some running, which can keep me energetic and strengthen my will. Secondly, getting a good friend to talk. Find someone to listen to you. Open your heart and accept some advice, which can help you out of the trouble. Thirdly, we can make a good arrangement to our study. I think we should form a good habit. Thus, we can keep everything in order.     Just like a saying goes, "Tomorrow is a new day", try to find the best way to develop an optimistic lifestyle.

　　1. 這篇習(xí)作的內(nèi)容充實(shí),較為全面地論述了寫作任務(wù)中所要求的要點(diǎn)；篇章布局較為合理,作者在論述的過(guò)程中思路較為清晰,注意到了連接詞的運(yùn)用,行文較為流暢自然。

　　2. 文章存在的主要問(wèn)題:

　?、傥恼抡w結(jié)構(gòu)上不夠連貫暢通,段與段之間缺乏必要的過(guò)渡句。例如第一段最后應(yīng)加上一句話來(lái)承上啟下。

　?、谖闹杏行┚渥又复幻?讀來(lái)讓人感覺(jué)有些突兀。如第二段中"I think we should form a good habit. Thus, we can keep everything in order."這句話的意思就不夠明確。

　?、畚闹羞€有些地方出現(xiàn)了時(shí)態(tài)不一致、主謂不一致的問(wèn)題。如第一段中"Many of us cannot take such a heavy burden and became depressed, which lead to an inefficient study."這句話中,同時(shí)并列使用了"cannot"和"became", "became"應(yīng)改為"become",而"lead"應(yīng)改為"leads"。

　　成稿:

　　With the increasing competition, young students today are under more and more pressure from study and examinations. Many of us have trouble dealing with such heavy burdens and we end up becoming quite depressed, which can lead to a low efficiency in studying. Then, what should we do to stay happy and to study more

　　efficiently?     In my opinion it is necessary for us to find a good way to relax, which can help us maintain an optimistic attitude towards our lives and our studies. Here are some suggestions of how to do this. First, I think we should do more sports. When I feel depressed, I often go running, which can keep me feeling energetic and help put me in a good mood. Secondly, I think we can turn to our friends, who may help us out of our trouble. Thirdly, we should make a good schedule for studying and relaxing. This will help us know exactly when to study and when to relax.     In conclusion, I think if we try to find some good ways to keep a positive outlook on life, we can lead a busy and happy school life.

　　實(shí)例指導(dǎo)5—吸煙與健康

　　【寫作任務(wù)】

　　請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下提示，以smoking is bad for your health 為題寫一篇字左右的文章；

　　1．吸煙有害健康：煙草中最少含有兩種有害物質(zhì)――焦油(tar)和尼古丁。它們損害常，影響呼吸。

　　2.吸煙能引起許多疾?。耗切┙?jīng)常吸煙的人牙齒不好；許多煙民也因吸煙而常?？人?；吸煙引起的最嚴(yán)重的痰病之一是肺癌，許多人被這種可怕的痰病奪去了生命，

　　3．吸煙不僅有害煙民的健康，也毒害著不吸煙的人，尤其是婦女兒童。

　　4．勸告人們不要吸煙；

　　【寫作指導(dǎo)】

　　由于吸煙的危害現(xiàn)在是一個(gè)熱門話題，無(wú)論成年人還是青少年都有著大量的煙民，因此要想寫好這方面的題目，要注意以下幾點(diǎn)：

　　1. 吸煙的危害，這個(gè)可以用你了解到的知識(shí)，只有寫好危害才能對(duì)你的觀點(diǎn)進(jìn)行有力的支持。

　　Smoking is bad for your health

　　We all know that smoking is bad for health. This is because a cigarette includes at least two harmful substances -- tar and nicotine, which will damage the lung and affect breathing. What' s more, smoking causes many illnesses. Those who often smoke have bad teeth. A lot of people always cough because of smoking. One of the most serious illnesses that caused by smoking is lung cancer. And many people die of this terrible disease. In addition, smoking is not only bad for smokers, but also bad for non-smokers, specially(~) women and children.

　　Smoking is no good for health. Therefore, for the health of yourselves and also the people around you, please keep away from smoking.

　?、踫pecially改為especially?！坝绕涮貏e”一般要用especially表示，而specially意為“專門地；特意”。

　　4．錦上添花：·

　?。?/p>

　　①what's more改為what’s worse更符合主題。

　　②結(jié)尾段開(kāi)頭可以加上總結(jié)性的詞匯(組)， 如：in a word；in conclusion。

　　【貴在總結(jié)】

　　通過(guò)以上分析我們可以得出以下寫作策略和常用詞匯及句型。

　　1.開(kāi)門見(jiàn)山直入主題。常用句型有：Everyone knows ...; It is known to all / everyone that ..4 We all know that .../

　　As we all know; Almost everyone know the fact that...

　　2．根據(jù)提示詳細(xì)描述。描述時(shí)注意先后順序，井注意使用恰當(dāng)?shù)倪^(guò)渡詞使全文通順、流暢。盡量多使用一些高級(jí)，詞匯或結(jié)構(gòu)較復(fù)雜的句于；以增加文章的亮點(diǎn)或采分點(diǎn)，避免全篇句式過(guò)于單一。常用詞匯和句型有： not only... also ...; as well as; be bad for; do harm to; cause; lead to; result in; therefore , moreover; nevertheless 等等。

　　3．提出建議或總結(jié)全文。常用句型和詞匯有：Therefore, ... should give up /

　　stop ...; keep away from 等等。

　　實(shí)戰(zhàn)演練

　　據(jù)估計(jì)，在中國(guó)吸煙者約占總?cè)丝诘囊话?，而且煙民的年齡越來(lái)越年輕，甚至一些中學(xué)生也在抽煙。請(qǐng)你就此看看你的看法。

　　Smoking Is Harmful

　　It has been estimated that smokers have made up half of the population in China. And the smokers are becoming younger and younger,  even including some middle school students.       Nowadays more and more people have realized smoking can do harm to people's health. However, some people still enjoy smoking. Why? Because some of them think it is a kind of fashion, some think it is of great fun and others, think that smoking can refresh themselves.       In fact,  smoking is a bad habit. It can cause a lot of diseases. Meanwhile smoking is a waste of money. Besides, careless smokers may cause dangerous fires.       Smoking is harmful and it is not only bad for smokers themselves, but also bad for non-smokers.       Therefore, I hope all the smokers can give up smoking for themselves and also for the people around them.

　　眾所周知,健康的生活方式會(huì)讓人終生受益,現(xiàn)在請(qǐng)你寫一篇短文來(lái)談?wù)勅绾勿B(yǎng)成良好的生活習(xí)慣和健康的生活方式,發(fā)表在班級(jí)墻報(bào)上與同學(xué)們共享。詞數(shù):120左右。

　　1．沒(méi)有充分的休息和體育活動(dòng)，不可能保持身體健康。

　　2．學(xué)生學(xué)習(xí)之余，可以從事各種各樣的娛樂(lè)(recreation)活動(dòng)。許多人喜歡聽(tīng)音樂(lè)，看電視。但因?yàn)槲覀冊(cè)谑覂?nèi)呆的時(shí)間太長(zhǎng)，用眼太多，最好能選擇一些能加強(qiáng)肌肉運(yùn)動(dòng)的活動(dòng)，如打籃球，踢足球，打乒乓球、游泳、跑步等。

　　3．大腦的活動(dòng)需要經(jīng)常調(diào)劑才能保持靈敏，活躍。

　　題目已經(jīng)給出。字?jǐn)?shù)：120左右。

　　On Recreation

　　It is impossible for us to keep fit unless we often take part in activities of recreation．

　　There are various kinds of games in our daily life after study．For example，listening to music，watching TV，playing chess，going to the cinema．But I think we’d better have more outdoor activities to supply our muscles with exercise because we usually sit too long in our classroom，and our eyes and brain get tired．So it’s a good idea to play basketball，football，table tennis，go swimming and do some running，even go for a picnic．

　　Our brain also needs changes to make it smart and active，Remember the old saying：“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy．

　　努力學(xué)習(xí)必須以好的身體做保證,如果只顧學(xué)習(xí)而不注意鍛煉和休息,就不能全身心投入到學(xué)習(xí)中來(lái)。請(qǐng)以Work and Health為題,根據(jù)你自己的經(jīng)歷或者經(jīng)驗(yàn),寫一篇短文,談?wù)勀愕目捶?投給學(xué)校英文校報(bào)。(詞數(shù)110左右) 

　　Work and Health

　　How to Live a Healthy Life

　　According to a recent survey, more than 70 percent of the working people are considered to be "sub-healthy", which means they can get sick very easily.

　　In my opinion, this is because they’re not leading a healthy life. How can we lead a healthy life? Firstly we should mind our diet by avoiding too many sweets and food that contains a lot of fat. Instead, we should eat more fruits and vegetables, which are good for our health. Secondly, we should exercise every day no matter how busy we are. Only by exercising can we build up a strong body. Lastly, we should try to be happy every day and forget our troubles. Healthy people are usually happy. So enjoy your life every day!

【湖南省長(zhǎng)沙縣實(shí)驗(yàn)中學(xué)2016屆高三英語(yǔ)二輪復(fù)習(xí)書(shū)面表達(dá)復(fù)習(xí)重點(diǎn)話題指導(dǎo)專題08 健康飲食話題指導(dǎo)（教師版）】相關(guān)文章：

★ 2017年高考英語(yǔ)二輪復(fù)習(xí)精品資料：專題15 完形填空（教學(xué)案）（原卷版）

★ 【課堂新坐標(biāo)】2017屆高考英語(yǔ)（通用版）二輪復(fù)習(xí)書(shū)面表達(dá)專題訓(xùn)練：Ⅱ卷強(qiáng)化增分練 訓(xùn)練1（含解析）

★ 2017屆高考英語(yǔ)二輪復(fù)習(xí)書(shū)面表達(dá)限時(shí)測(cè)驗(yàn)：2（含解析）

★ 天津市武清區(qū)楊村第四中學(xué)2016屆高考英語(yǔ)一輪復(fù)習(xí)語(yǔ)法專題八《情態(tài)動(dòng)詞用法詳解》課件外研版

★ 【課堂新坐標(biāo)】2017屆高考英語(yǔ)（通用版）二輪復(fù)習(xí)書(shū)面表達(dá)專題訓(xùn)練：技法7 畫龍點(diǎn)睛的結(jié)束語(yǔ)（含解析）

★ 【課堂新坐標(biāo)】2017屆高考英語(yǔ)（通用版）二輪復(fù)習(xí)書(shū)面表達(dá)專題訓(xùn)練：技法1 認(rèn)真審題擬出全部要點(diǎn)（含解析）

★ 湖南省長(zhǎng)沙縣實(shí)驗(yàn)中學(xué)2016屆高三英語(yǔ)二輪復(fù)習(xí)書(shū)面表達(dá)復(fù)習(xí)重點(diǎn)話題指導(dǎo)專題03 辯論對(duì)比話題指導(dǎo)（教師版）

★ 天津市武清區(qū)楊村第四中學(xué)2016屆高考英語(yǔ)一輪復(fù)習(xí)語(yǔ)法專題十三《名詞性從句》課件外研版

★ 【課堂新坐標(biāo)】2017屆高考英語(yǔ)（通用版）二輪復(fù)習(xí)書(shū)面表達(dá)專題訓(xùn)練：技法3 豐富充實(shí)的細(xì)節(jié)信息（含解析）

★ 湖南省長(zhǎng)沙縣實(shí)驗(yàn)中學(xué)2016屆高三英語(yǔ)二輪復(fù)習(xí)書(shū)面表達(dá)復(fù)習(xí)重點(diǎn)話題指導(dǎo)專題06 記敘概括話題指導(dǎo)（教師版）

返回查字典首頁(yè)>>

相關(guān)知識(shí)

2016高考英語(yǔ)一輪課件優(yōu)化復(fù)習(xí)（山東專用）人教版必修三《Unit2 Healthy eating 》健康膳食
2017屆湖北專版高考英語(yǔ)一輪復(fù)習(xí)講義：Unit2《Healthyeating》（新人教版）必修3（課前基礎(chǔ)導(dǎo)練+課堂互動(dòng)探究+課后知能提升）
2022中考語(yǔ)文一輪復(fù)習(xí)：綜合性學(xué)習(xí)——漫畫類練習(xí)題（word版含答案）
2017屆高考英語(yǔ)（全國(guó)卷地區(qū)）一輪總復(fù)習(xí)課件：必修3 Unit 2《Healthy eating》
省級(jí)優(yōu)秀課件人教版初中英語(yǔ)九年級(jí)江西英語(yǔ)中考話題專題復(fù)習(xí)之Hygiene and Health.pptx
高中英語(yǔ)作文話題：健康復(fù)習(xí)課程
嘉興市教育局2025年上半年教師資格認(rèn)定公告（高中、中職、中職學(xué)校實(shí)習(xí)指導(dǎo)）
《中學(xué)英語(yǔ)課程標(biāo)準(zhǔn)》24個(gè)話題項(xiàng)目
2019屆高考英語(yǔ)知識(shí)點(diǎn)專題復(fù)習(xí)Our?Body?and?Healthy?Habits　身體與健康
高考一輪總復(fù)習(xí)英語(yǔ)課件：1

網(wǎng)址: 湖南省長(zhǎng)沙縣實(shí)驗(yàn)中學(xué)2016屆高三英語(yǔ)二輪復(fù)習(xí)書(shū)面表達(dá)復(fù)習(xí)重點(diǎn)話題指導(dǎo)專題08 健康飲食話題指導(dǎo)（教師版） http://m.u1s5d6.cn/newsview1751814.html