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雅思大作文范文分析

來源:泰然健康網(wǎng) 時間:2024年11月27日 00:09

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20%in the last ten years.Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

這篇文章的范文部分會主要給大家分析分析什么叫與話題相關(guān)的主題詞,以及句間邏輯的起承轉(zhuǎn)合

翻譯:

近十年,在西方國家,兒童肥胖的比例上漲了近20%,這個趨勢發(fā)生的原因及影響

話題:社會類

類型:報告類

01題目分析:

這道題十分接地氣,并不難分析,只是要記住一點,兒童肥胖問題的成因分析,一定要帶入到西方國家發(fā)展的大環(huán)境中分析一下

因為這個題目除了兒童肥胖外還有兩個關(guān)鍵詞,一個是in western society,一個是by almost 20%,所以記得在書寫的過程中分析一下西方國家近十年發(fā)展的變化哪些會造成這么多孩子肥胖:

比如造成肥胖的成因之一:unhealthy food,但是在寫unhealthy food時我們需要帶入社會發(fā)展中

即:近十年來,西方社會發(fā)展迅速,人們財富增加,外出消費增多,餐廳開的多,餐廳為了吸引食客可能會增加油鹽刺激人們味蕾,比如大量的新一代的兒童總喜歡出去吃炸雞薯條等等,易發(fā)胖

Number of children eating unhealthy food is on the rise,and number of increasing fast food restaurants are responsible for that.These restaurant sell tasty food to attract children but these food contain unhealthy ingredients,for example,fat and salt.

再比如廣告業(yè)在近幾年來的蓬勃發(fā)展,廣告中有很多針對兒童的內(nèi)容,吸引兒童去吃一些不健康的食物

Some advertisements that encourage children to eat unhealthy diet.

再有就是科技的發(fā)展,不光電視,網(wǎng)絡(luò)游戲手機(jī)游戲越來越豐富吸引人,造成孩子不出去運(yùn)動。

Children do not give time to out door activities because they spend more time watching television or playing games on computers at home,which led to sedentary lifestyle.

就影響而言,這一類型的生活方式和長期肥胖非常容易引發(fā)慢性疾病

They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes,during their late age of life.These conditions are life threatening.

不僅如此,調(diào)查顯示,肥胖兒童更容易受到校園霸凌的影響,可想而知對于心靈成長,精神健康都有很大影響

In addition,these children can be tortured at school by peers,which can have effects on their mental health like stress,anxiety and insomnia.These problems,in turn,often result in lower productivity at school.

好啦,先分析這么多,咱們來看今天的范文吧

02范文分析

藍(lán)色詞為:Topic vocabulary

紅色詞為:Transition words

Obesity among children has risen sharply over the last decade in western countries.Such a trend is largely the result of a tendency towards convenience in society,yet its effects may be detrimental to children’s long-term mental and physical health.

非常簡明扼要的開頭段,首句引出話題,后面一句給出原因和影響的大角度,a tendency towards convenience in society以及l(fā)ong-term mental and physical health都是大的角度,方便下文進(jìn)行展開

The prime causes of obesity are unhealthy eating habits and an inactive lifestyle.In recent years,there has been a surge in the consumption of convenience foods among modern families.Busy parents with no time to cook rely on prepared meals to feed their families.Such foods have little to no nutritional value which contributes to obesity.In addition,children these days spend inordinate amounts of time playing video games than playing outside with friends resulting in insufficient physical activity each day.For example,studies show that children in France exercise on average around 20 minutes per day as compared to 75 minutes 30 years ago.

本段結(jié)構(gòu)為:主題句/分論點1+展開/分論點2+展開,兩個分論點在分析過程中都是動態(tài)的In recent years,there has been a surge in/children these days這些詞句都迎合了題目中的趨勢變化

The possible effects of obesity are a range of health issues.Regarding physical health,diseases,such as type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure,are known to be higher in overweight children than their peers.These put a child’s life in danger,and may further affect mental health growing up.When children are obese,they are more likely to be bullied and ostracized by classmates because they look or behave differently.This has been known to cause low self-esteem and depression in many,and thus shun friends in favor of time alone.

與上段的結(jié)構(gòu)相同,本段依然為:主題句/分論點1+展開/分論點2+展開,清晰明了

In conclusion,through poor diet choice and inactivity,obesity is a growing problem that can cause lasting damage to a child’s mental and physical development.However,by addressing this problem while young,much can be done to aid a child in becoming a healthy functioning adult.

這篇范文寫的非常好,文章結(jié)構(gòu)工整,全面回應(yīng)題目,論證角度社會化,詞句有力,沒有廢話。

雅思大作文Cohereance and Cohension這一項中,要求我們要sequences information and ideas logically,符合邏輯的組織信息和觀點,清晰的行文推進(jìn),很多同學(xué)對于這一項的理解就是我們要使用however,and,but,moreover這樣的詞匯;

除此之外,表示因果,舉例,對比如for example,compare to,以及指代前句或者前一段信息的代詞this/that等也可以期待句子間的起承轉(zhuǎn)合作用

總結(jié)一下就是:引出(regarding/in terms of...),并列,遞進(jìn),轉(zhuǎn)折,因果,舉例,對比,指代,排序(firstly,secondly,then...)都是句間邏輯達(dá)成的重要手段

雅思大作文詞匯部分需要我們使用和主題相關(guān)的詞匯,除了我們理解的obesity肥胖的替換,western society的替換外,對于本題而言,原因影響的詞匯表達(dá),食物健康的表達(dá),破壞影響的表達(dá),兒童身心負(fù)面影響的表達(dá),都是vocabulary relavate to this topic.

因此總結(jié)一下,考場上詞匯不要糾結(jié)在某些詞的使用和替換,反復(fù)思考花費很多時間,甚至使用了一些自己不熟悉的詞很牽強(qiáng),要把「視線放寬」凡是這個題目可以覆蓋到的主觀點都可以算是topic vocabulary

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